Relationship Deception

There's a moment of total honesty I had when trying out these jokes where I realised I forgot the punchline I wanted to use. They laughed anyway.

Racism in Sex Shops

Yesterday I was text messaged last minute to pop by the Comedy Store's New Material night and try out new material. At the time I had not written any new jokes so I scribbled a bunch of notions in the green room and one of my hastily scribbled notions was successful enough that it may end up in my set.

You might be a Totalitarian Dictator If...

I was talking to someone yesterday about how Gaddafi probably never saw himself as a totalitarian dictator. He probably saw himself as a freedom fighter or man of the people. This is probably true for most dictators, so I decided to write this handy guide to help Heads of State.

You might be an Totalitarian dictator if...


1. If when you lose your keys you say ‘it’s the white man’s* fault’.

2. If you think ‘freedom of the press’ is the one day a month when journalists are let out of their cells.

3. If you think one of your statues makes you look fat

4. If your favourite game as a child was Secret Police and Dissidents

5. If the top item on your National Budget proposal is ‘a shiny palace for me’

6. If at birthday parties you refuse to pass the parcel.

7. If you thought George Orwell’s 1984 was a handy guide for good governance.

8. If you awarded yourself most of the medals pinned to your military uniform

9. If you have a bedroom, a kitchen and a dungeon

10. If one of your body doubles talks too much and you hope he’s on duty next time they try to assassinate you.

* (Or 'the Jews', 'the Muslims', 'The Indians'...etc)

Pension Cuts

So, an audience member told me that I am very political today and I was taken aback. I would say that I am primarily a relationship comedian and when I do political material I rarely make a point. In fact, I look upon comedians whose sets are political speeches with a few jokes tacked on with suspicion (Hicks, I'm looking at you). But dear lord, this punter was right. I did bring up politics a lot. I blame the Tories. I never used to ramble this much about politics pre-Cameron. Though, I don't think I have any coherent message I am trying to get across. For example, this was my two cents about the pension strikes this week.

No more circus animals

So after much deliberation the British MPs agreed that Circus animals would now be banned in the UK. These were my thoughts.

The Beatification of John Paul II

Any time I hear a term I do not understand, a short story, a joke, or a script comed out of it. That's just how I work. I think I have to validate myself in the face of my ignorance. This week's word was 'beatified'. When I heard John Paul II was being beatified my initial mental image was of him being 'beautified' -- how physically attractive can one expect a corpse to be? A little research into the word 'beatification'led to some amusing revelations.

Zimbabwe Hifa Fest

Some clips from my Zimbabwe performance of my one man show 'Laughrica'.